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Queer Stuttering: A Lesson in Justice

10/13/2015

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I knew I was gay around age six. This must have been about the same time I started speech therapy. I remember feeling like being gay and stuttering must be connected. I felt if I could get rid of one, the other would disappear as well. They caused me great shame. My family, religion, and society told me these aspects of myself were flaws that needed to be fixed. Because of them I was an outcast. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized they had little actual connection. There were gay people who didn’t stutter and stuttering people who weren’t gay. Learning that they are not flaws, but kinds of human variation, has taken much longer.

Although I identify as gay, for the purpose of this post I'll use the word queer because it is more encompassing of the whole non-heterosexual community. Likewise, I will use the word justice rather than equality. Equality means having the same things, be they privileges, rights, expectations or values. For many marginalized groups such as queer people and stutterers, we want space but it doesn’t look exactly the same as the space occupied by heterosexuals and fluent people. We are different and may need accommodations, special privileges, or even advantages. Many of us enjoy the difference and don’t want to be typical. We enjoy being unconventional, and for some, even a bit subversive.

Growing up queer or as a stutterer can be extremely isolating. Due to the relative rarity of both traits, one may find themselves without someone in their family or community to identify with. Both can make a person an easy target for bullies. Being a stutterer can isolate a queer person even further. Before I met my partner, I found it difficult to initiate the small talk required to engage with the few gay men I encountered. I didn’t use dating apps because I felt I should disclose my stuttering and would probably not even be given a chance for a first date. 


But why? What makes these variations so stigmatizing or distasteful? Until quite recently, homosexual acts have been considered crimes against nature. Many religions ban homosexuality. The texts of Islam, Judaism, and Christianity all seem to have passages that expressly forbid it. Long ago, secular laws were created to punish people who committed these acts. While stuttering may not be forbidden, in some religions or denominations, it might be considered a sign of demonic possession or a symptom of lack of faith. In the best case scenario, a stutterer becomes an object of pity and prayer. In both instances the individual may feel tested or even abandoned by their God. This may be the origin of shame for many of these individuals.

The etiology and treatment for both homosexuality and stuttering has followed similarly twisted paths. Both have been treated as medical and mental health issues. Historically, therapies have focused on “curing” or “normalizing.” It wasn't until 1973 that homosexuality was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. In contrast, while the most recent DSM-5 has changed the wording from 'stuttering' to 'Childhood-Onset Fluency Disorder', it is still included as a pathological condition. 

On a recent episode of the podcast StutterTalk, guest Christopher Constantino suggested that speech therapy take a page from homosexual reparative therapy by changing the focus from normalization to helping individuals deal with the stresses imposed by society. “I think it’s fairly analogous to the way the field of psychology used to treat gay individuals who were struggling with their sexuality. They used to try to give them therapy so that they would become straight individuals and over time that has thankfully changed.”

This has been my experience exactly. I've had therapy to help deal with the way my parents reacted when I came out, but the therapist never insinuated that things would be easier if I was less gay. On the other hand, the speech therapy I've had as an adult focused very strongly on how things would be easier for me if I was more fluent. I bought it for a while and worked hard to manage my stuttering. It took me about two years to realize that what made me slightly more fluent was in fact sabotaging my communication. Soon after, I quit speech therapy and haven't returned since. Frankly, the message I've taken from the stuttering pride community has eliminated any need.

Another thing I've encountered after becoming involved with stuttering pride is the critical reflection on person first language. The queer community doesn't do person first. I am a gay man. That's it. We fully embrace this identity and don't need reminders that we are people first. While working on this post, I got an email from a friend who is both a minister and a lesbian. She shared that she was recently told by a colleague that, in his mind, she was “firstly a Christian” and that the label ‘gay’ didn't change anything about her. Needless to say this bothered her because identifying as a lesbian is very important to her and has provided considerable social bonds to other people within her church community. 

This brings me to another lesson the fight for dysfluent justice can learn from queer justice:  Community. A community of like-minded people is so important for both groups. It helps to build identity and a place to share similar experiences. I have learned so much from the community of stutterers I've met both in person and on the web. I have even been fortunate, with the help of social media, to find others who fit in both subsets like me. In grad school I attended a queer student group (where I met my partner) and recently I have attended meetings of a local stuttering group. Queer groups may have straight ally members, but not people who are trained to change them. 

One final, but very key place queer justice has really taken off is in the media. TV, movies, and radio overflow with queer characters, hosts, and actors. Similarly, it has become much more common for queer actors to play queer characters. These are directions the media needs to move with all disabilities. This has been a fairly recent development and has most likely contributed to more acceptance and the breakdown of misconceptions. Stutterers need to demand more realistic and positive representation in the media. Stereotypes and negative portrayals are much more common than realistic and positive portrayals. For example, on a recent episode of Orange is the New Black, a character prefers to be mute than to reveal she stutters. 

Queer activism began with acknowledging differences and sometimes being at odds with dominant culture. While queer activism demanded (and still demands) many of the same rights and privileges of that culture, it does not want assimilation. It means causing a bit of discomfort in the dominant culture. This is exactly what I see going on here at DIS. To stutter is to be different and to be proud of that difference. It means demanding accommodations, representation, and the ability to choose not to change. It means forming communities and spreading this message. It means coming out of our stuttering closets and making ourselves visible. We are at the beginning of this process, and we have a long way to go, but I think it is possible.

-Eli


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Stuttering Back to School

8/31/2015

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Summer is ending. Commercials for back-to-school sales flood TV, newspapers, and radio. The part of Target that once held lawn chairs and tiki torches now holds composition books and glue sticks. A mix of anxiety and excitement fills the air.

The new school year brings out anxieties and excitement in me as well. How will my students react to my way of speaking? Will I be able to communicate what I want when I want? Will there be new adults in my building who I have to talk to? How will they treat me? Will I be expected to share what I did over the summer in a faculty meeting? No matter how strongly I believe there is nothing wrong with my voice, these situations will probably always be stressful for me.  

I think it’s good to be aware of these anxieties and remember that many of my students will be coming to school feeling the same way. Again this year I will be hosting the ‘collab’ class. This means I will have a number of disabled students in my homeroom and for math as well. Generally these are students with what are called ‘high incidence’ disabilities (learning disabilities, autism, attention deficit and speech and language difficulties). I love these kids and the gifts and variety they add. I will happily continue to host this class as long as they let me.

For the first time since I started teaching, I will have a student who stutters. I'm thrilled! I had an opportunity to spend a little time with him last year so we already have a rapport. Mostly we ate lunch together and played some basketball. Stuttering only came up a few times but I got the sense he didn’t like to talk about it. I might have been the same way at his age. This will be foremost in my mind as I plan out the first few days of school.

What I’m not excited about is the possibility of being asked to keep data on him. I don’t know if this will happen, but I have been asked to keep data on other IEP goals before. An IEP is an individualized education plan and is written by special educators and speech/language pathologists to target certain academic or behavior goals for identified students. Because I am also certified as a special educator I like to have input in writing goals, but I have never had the opportunity to work with an SLP in creating any.

To be honest, I really dislike keeping any data that I don't agree with. I did it last year when I reluctantly assessed all students using timed math fact fluency tests. The district decided that it somehow indicated proficiency if students could rapidly solve math facts. Never mind the fact that virtually everyone in the developed world has access to a calculator. Before we did the test, I reminded my kids that my dad is a doctor and doesn't always remember his multiplication facts and not to feel like this was any reflection on themselves. I also never showed the kids their scores unless they really pressured me.

I just cringe at this type of data collection. I am never going to keep tally marks for how often an autistic student tells me his birthday is coming or how many vocal tics a student with Tourette's makes. This might get me in trouble with my administration, but these goals are distracting and irrelevant. Comments about an upcoming birthday or some random sounds don't bother me or any students, and stifling those behaviors can cause discomfort with the student who feels the need to express them.   

I'm not sure data collection itself is harmful to students. I find nothing wrong with setting and reaching goals. There are IEP goals I will gladly work on and keep data for. Math problem solving (i.e. story problems) is my favorite academic goal and if any student has math goals in their IEP, this one should be included. Likewise, behavioral goals that focus on organization also strike me as helpful. Perhaps it's because I am a tidy person, but it seems like organization is a valid thing to teach all students.

Perhaps what needs to change is that the students need to be more involved in setting their own goals: the goals need to reflect the real needs of the student, not a standardized set of data. This might mean goals are not always quantitative. Personally, if I wrote a goal for myself involving stuttering, it wouldn't be that I use prep sets 6/10 times when speaking words that begin with/m/. My goal would be that I had positive feels in 9/10 of my speaking situations. Special Educators and SLPs, in my experience, never write goals like those because they don't know how to measure them. It would take the student keeping track of their own data. But what is wrong with that?

As I head into the new school year the mixed emotions of excitement and anxiety will surely begin to balance out as I get to know my students and get comfortable with the new staff.  Right away I will begin working on creating a classroom community that encourages personal growth that is meaningful and relevant to students’ lives. I'm sure I'll find ways to deal with IEP goals I find disagreeable and perhaps I'll come back to tell about it.

-Eli

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Reflections from a teacher who stutters

3/16/2015

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When I tell people I teach elementary school math, I can't help but notice the surprised looks I get. In general, people are too polite to ask how someone who stutters as much as I do can get up in front of kids and teach anything. Truthfully, I'd love it if someone actually did ask me this question. Foremost, because it has been a lot of work. As I did my Masters in education I felt like I had to constantly prove myself in ways people with average fluency did not. I am proud of my accomplishments and what I do as a teacher, but also I'd like to break down the perception that there are jobs inaccessible to people who stutter or who have other disabilities.

Reflecting back on the past two years as a classroom teacher, I've made a lot of personal growth. When I first started teaching I used a lot of speech tools and techniques that hindered what I wanted to say. I spent more energy on attempting fluency than on actually teaching. With the help of the Did I Stutter Project and a very supportive administration, I no longer view my stutter as an obstacle but as an asset. The only speech tool I use regularly now is advertising. And I prefer to call it advocating. Self advocacy is something I try to instill in all my learners, whether they have a disability or not.  

I can't deny that I face challenges daily. I have difficulty with /s/, /p/, /m/ and /r/ sounds and math vocabulary abounds with them: symmetry, multiply, parallel, remainder, to name just a few. There is no using circumlocution to avoid these as they are crucial words for my students to hear, use, and understand. This doesn't even account for all the other communication that needs to happen throughout the day to ensure an organized, peaceful, and welcoming learning environment. In addition to regular classroom duties I, am responsible for calling parents, speaking up in meetings, and even addressing assembly.

At the beginning of this school year I sat down with my new students and talked about the things that make us unique. I spoke honestly about stuttering and why some people speak this way. I made sure they understood that I'm not uncomfortable and they can always ask me to repeat myself if they don't understand what I've said. We talked about the etiquette of conversation and how you should never finish anyone's sentences for them even if you think it's helpful. I also talked to them about being gay and from New Jersey because these too make me unique. I encourage my students to find the things about themselves that make them unique and to have pride in those things.

As I said before, I truly believe my stutter makes me a better communicator. Because I speak slowly and with a lot of blocks and repetitions, students are able to process what I say more easily. I can't bolt through a long set of instructions for example. I also employ an economy of words. My students aren't used to me talking at length so I think they listen more carefully when I do speak. I believe I have become a much more creative and careful thinker as well, because my mental energy is no longer spent on attempting fluency. Additionally, I've become a better advocate for myself and for my students in terms of accommodations.

My classes are a mix of learners with various needs--from students with identified high incidence disabilities (specific learning disabilities, ADHD and Autism) to those identified as needing enrichment through the gifted and talented program. Some of my students fit in both exceptionalities as well. I am a strong believer in Howard Gardner’s theory of Multiple Intelligences. Rather than lecture, I use hands-on discovery, games, songs (I play guitar and sing math songs at least once a week), kinesthetic movement activities, projects, and practical applications like cooking and building, to deliver and reinforce new concepts. This can take hours of preparation and careful planning, but I think it makes for a much more varied, child-centered learning environment.

Of course I do occasionally have to introduce a new concept in the more traditional ‘teacher in front of the classroom’ model. In these instances I often use videos (I’m a huge fan of Learnzillion), text reading apps, animation apps (Tellagami is my favorite) and other technology to help me effectively communicate in the most efficient way possible. These tools are often referred to as assistive technology: any item, piece of equipment or product that is used to increase, maintain, or improve the functional capabilities of people with disabilities. You'll notice that I don't include AT specifically designed for people who stutter like those that provide delayed auditory feedback, because fluency is not my mission, but rather effective, comfortable communication.

My hope is that when I use AT in the classroom it eliminates any stigma for students who chose to use it as well. Many of my students use Virtual Manipulatives and I have several students who are not strong readers or writers who benefit from such apps as Dragon dictation, Announcify, and Google read/write. As I learn about new tools and apps, I introduce them to all my students as something they might be interested in trying. I have been criticized by some colleagues for this, but I remind them that autocorrect and calculators are types of AT and ask if they are willing to give those up. I offer alternative formats for all exams and presentations as well. Because there is no stigma, I have many non-disabled students who prefer to use AT or alternative exams/presentations because of the novelty.

What makes me the most satisfied as a teacher is not when I find out all my students have passed their standardized tests, but rather when they tell me they love coming to my class. And truthfully, this happens a lot. I think having a teacher who both shows pride in his stuttering and who models the use of assistive technology can only help to confirm that people with disabilities can perform as well or even better than non-disabled people in their jobs.

-Eli



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